Hobbits and Hair Dye
by PeacockBlue
Summary: Rule 1 of travelling through fiction. Witness havoc wreaked upon one of the favourite fandoms as I give the fellowship light relief from all those pink-haired girls expecting 'eternal love!
1. Chapter 1

_**Okay, people. To celebrate my first ever Xmas on this site, I've decided to do an advent fic. I'm going to be dropping one of Jasmine's friends (Jasmine from Event Rider), Alice Locke, into 25 different situations in various different fandoms**__**. Feel free to PM me if you have any requests for people you want her to meet or situations you want her to be in.**_

I was strolling down the street, thinking about Jasmine. It had been a while since I had seen her; about a week before she went missing with Angel and the others. I sighed, caught up in my own little world.

So, there I was, minding my own business, bothering no-one, when a bright flash of light appeared out of the metaphorical blue, making me go unconscious. As I blacked out, I thought _at least I'm wearing comfortable boots._ Weird, huh?


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hello and welcome to the Guide for travelling through fiction. In this user-friendly guide, we shall be looking at the antics of one person who will be travelling through time and space purely for your safety and amusement.**_

_Rule 1) Don't refer to elves as human Barbies, or any other kind of Barbie for that matter. You __**will**__ end up as a living pincushion._

_Rule 1b) The words 'hobbits' and 'glucose tablets' are no longer to be mentioned in the same sentence. Under pain of pain._

_Rule 1c) Day-Glo hair dye was only funny the __**first**_ _time, if at all._

* * *

"Wow," I blinked several times, accustoming myself to the sudden change in light intensity. "What happened? Where am I?" I looked around, noting the scrubby plains that appeared to be the New Forest in late autumn. I re-settled the light backpack that had magically appeared on my back and then turned and squinted in the direction that had been behind me before I started turning; there were some figures in the middle distance trudging towards me. _Maybe I _am_ in the New Forest after all,_ I thought, _There's probably some D of E-ers over there. It's odd, though, that so many of them are so short._ I mentally shrugged and headed over in their direction. As I got closer, I could pick out some other oddnesses; one was a seriously old bloke in a _dress_ with a Dumbledore-style beard and hair-don't, carrying a walking or hiking stick very different to the norm. It was almost as tall as he was.

Five of the group were tiny. Four looked like children and the other… well, he defied description. Short as the children, but thickset. It looked like he had been condensed rather than shrunk. A red beard tumbled down his chest and his head was covered by a sturdy-looking metal helmet.

The seventh member was, to quote Bella Swan, 'sort of beautiful'. Long silver-blonde hair and a slender body topped off in green. As I got closer, I could make out more details. The four kids weren't wearing shoes, but had huge and very hairy feet. The condensed guy was carrying an axe the same size he was. The blondie was male and carried a bow in a manner that suggested death for whoever pissed him off. Apart from the old guy, they were all carrying weapons. Although, the stick he was carrying looked sturdy enough to give a concussion – and let me tell you, they are _not_ fun.

The eighth and ninth members were very similar from a distance – bearded with hair down to their shoulders. My dad would've winced – being in the Army, he saw anything longer than a buzz-cut as in dire need of a haircut. One was dark-haired and the other a dirty blond.

I drew level with the nonept – nine-ept? What do you call a group of nine? – and noticed that the 'sort of beautiful' one had the pointy ears that marked him as something other than human, or fond of making drunken bar bets. I could barely – just barely – rein my eyes in from glinting in malevolent glee. What fun I shall have.

Smiling at the mismatched little group sweetly and uncertainly, but managing to inject a little fear into my eyes as well – I swear, it's all about the details – I s-s-stammered out a greeting, tensing up more and more as I went on, eventually 'fainting' from stress and fear of facing nine well-armed strong looking men. Well, three men, an elf (?), a dwarf and four kids, all in very old-fashioned clothes. It's quite simple, actually. I was in the drama club at school, and had to convincingly faint for the part of a frail, delicate young lady from the Victorian era, or something. It was just a matter of muscle memory. Well, that and tilting myself in such a way as to accidentally on purpose knock Big Ears off his feet while he tried to catch me. I had already picked my target. Oh great. I was mentally giving people I had never met humorous nicknames. _Thanks a bunch, Jazz. Thanks a bunch._

I 'came to' to see Big Ears kneeling down in front of me. Boy was he pretty!

"Wow," I murmured, "What are you? Some kind of human Barbie?" seeing his adorably confused face, I elaborated, finding in my backpack a pop star Barbie. I don't know how that got in there – I've never touched a Barbie in my life, my parents having got me dolls that were slightly more realistically proportioned. When I found it, his hand went for his bow automatically, nocked an arrow and shot the doll, attaching it to a tree trunk via its head. I opened my mouth to make a smart comment, but he growled, shaking his head.

"Think very, very carefully about what you are about to say."

I closed my mouth, very quickly.

SOME TIME LATER

Introductions had been made, the group of nine finding the name 'Alice Greene' a little unusual. I had thought about their names and bit thoughtfully on my bottom lip. I made up my mind and smiled. "Your names're all a bit of a mouthful, don't you think?" I pointed at each of them in turn. "Legs, Ara, Boro, Gim and Ghandi. You four," pointing at the hobbits, "Are fine. Nice, short names. What _were _your parents thinking?" I semi-growled at the five, stopping short when I saw their faces. My smile, which had degenerated into a self-satisfied smirk, soon collapsed under the giggles trying to get out when I saw the shell-shocked looks on their faces.

We were walking along and I pulled a paper-wrapped packet out of my pocket.

"What're those?" I was asked by an inquisitive hobbit.

"Orange-flavoured glucose tablets," I grinned. "_One_ of these can keep a person hyper for, well, I don't know how long. Here, have four. Stick them all in your mouth at once, chew and swallow. Have fun!"

While the two hyperactive hobbits were zooming around the campsite, I had a hard time holding in my laughter at Big Ears' face. If I had laughed at anything, I would've looked oh-so-guilty, and I could really do without being turned into a living quiver of arrows.

The next day, he asked me what exactly had happened. I waved my trusty packet of glucose tablets in his face and did my Evil Genius Laugh. "Glucose happened," I explained.

"You mean, that it was _you!_" he exclaimed.

"Well, hobbits have a very… vigorous reaction to glucose tablets. More so than I'd expected."

His eye twitched. "_If you want to stay unpunctured with arrows, you will __**never**__ use those words in the same sentence again,_"

I was going to push it, but wisely left off when he reached for his bow and an arrow the second I opened my mouth.

"What're you doing?" Pippin whispered to me at oh-dark-thirty in the morning.

"What does it look like?" I hissed back. "I'm dying his hair Day-Glo yellow."

A swift eyebrow raise was all the reaction I got out of him. Nice to know that I was trusted not to do any actual harm. I stepped back, admiring my handiwork. His long flowing hair was now the colour of a yellow highlighter. We looked at each other and ran off to hide, sitting next to each other behind a bush. I reached down, grabbed a rock and hurled it in his direction, smothering the giggles that threatened to burst out at any minute.

Startled out of his sleep by the rock, he blinked – I had actually been rather creeped out by the fact that he slept with his eyes open at first, before I realised that he was a _very _deep sleeper. Legolas caught sight of the handy mirror I had dug out of my Magic Backpack and froze in shocked horror. Glancing at my fellow hider, I could see that he was in a similar state to me; barely holding back his giggles, his face a picture of somebody being tortured by the knowledge that if he did laugh, he would be found and tortured _for real_; the prissy elf was rather protective of his hair.

When we set off later that morning, Boro's smirk said it all. Legolas laughed it off but even _I _could see that he was fuming. It just made it all the sweeter. That night found me crouched over him again, with a _different _pack of hair dye in my hand. The next morning was broken by an agonised howl of an elf waking up to find that his treasured, precious hair was now fluorescent pink. As he came running towards the rest of the group, he caught sight of the crumpled empty packet under my leg and went feral.

"Eeep!" I squeaked and ran for it, throwing miscellaneous things behind me in an attempt to slow him down.

"When I get my hands on you, Alice," he promised, "You will die slowly and _painfully_,"

I ran faster and reached into my mysteriously appearing backpack, the source of the raw materials for my pranks. I fervently _prayed_ for something that would help me escape unmaimed. My hand caught on something that I drew out. Looking at it briefly, I strapped the jetpack onto my back and hit go.

"Nice meeting you!" I grinned and waved, throwing the last of the glucose tablets to Pippin and Merry; they knew what to do with them. As I made good my escape, another bolt struck.

A.N. – D of E is short for Duke of Edinburgh award. It involves sending teenagers into various places

in Britain that do not know the meaning of 'civilised', eg – New Forest, Dartmoor. There are three

stages; bronze, silver and gold. I myself have done my bronze and camping overnight was pretty

painful – one group's tent was blown away overnight!


End file.
